Know Your Stars: Sonic Edition
by sonix3
Summary: It's that classic "Know Your Stars" from All That, plus that classic idea of a Sonic version!
1. Episode 1: Sonic the Hedgehog

I've noticed that I'm the kind of person that is easily influenced… THAT'S WHY IMA MAKIN THIS!!! No guarantees on updating, high school gives me a lot of homework, I'm lazy, I have two other stories to work on, and I'M NOT A VERY GOOD MULITASKER! I'll try to make this as funny as possible, but please let me know what you think of each chapter! Be as brutally honest as you can without being mean! Most of the characters from most of the games will be here.

Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic or the idea of Know Your Stars… obviously. All I own is Poppy (the white she-cat).

**Episode 1: Sonic the Hedgehog**

The blue hedgehog plopped himself down in the stands between Tails and Knuckles. Sonic and many others had received an invitation to appear on a show, though it never said what show they'd be on. Looking around, he was surprised by how many people got invited; to be in the audience anyway. Everyone was chatting with one other, waiting for the show to start.

Turning to Tails, the blue blur asked, "Do you know what show we're gonna be on?"

"Know your stars," Tails replied. Sonic cocked an eyebrow.

"What the heck is that? I've never heard of it."

Tails was about to respond when the lights got dim and a black spotted white she-cat came into the center of the auditorium, a spotlight following her.

"Sonic the Hedgehog?" she called. Everyone shushed their neighbor. "Where is Sonic the Hedgehog?"

"You'll find out for yourself," Tails said instead as his friend stood up.

"I'm Sonic!" the blue 'hog called back. The spotlight moved from Poppy to Sonic as she beckoned for him to come down. Making his way through the row and down the stairs, Sonic walked over to the cat, the spotlight still following him.

"Whaddya what?" he asked.

"You're first," Poppy replied, gesturing to a chair that became illuminated by another spotlight. Not quite getting what was going on, Sonic walked over and sat in the chair in the center. The light following him flickered off. He jumped as a mysterious voice coming from nowhere echoed throughout the auditorium.

_**Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…**_

"What the heck?" Sonic exclaimed. "Who said that?"

_**Sonic the Hedgehog… he has a crush on Merlina.**_

"Oh…kay…" Sonic said slowly, cocking an eyebrow. "Uh… no… I don't… where the heck did you get that?"

_**You gave her a flower.**_

"Okay… yeah, I did, but that doesn't mean that I like her; not like that anyway."

_**Are you sure?**_

"Completely," Sonic said.

_**Are you REALLY sure?**_

"I already answered that! Yes I'm sure!"

_**Are you really, REALLY sure?**_

"Yes! Yes already!" Sonic exclaimed, exasperated. "I'm really, REALLY, completely sure I don't have a crush on Merlina!"

_**I already knew that.**_

"What the-?" Sonic said, dumbfounded. "Then why did you…"

_**Sonic the Hedgehog… he kills puppies to make his chili dogs.**_

"Whaddya talkin' about?" Sonic said, insulted. "I love puppies!"

_**Says the 'hog who eats chili DOGS.**_

"… Dude, that's just the name of the food. It doesn't mean it's actually made from dogs."

_**Whatever you say, puppy-killer.**_

"Dang you! I'm done with this!" Before Sonic could get up he was suddenly bolted to the chair. He struggled, but to no avail. "What gives?"

_**We aren't finished yet.**_

"Grr…"

_**Sonic the Hedgehog… he loads up on caffeine to run faster.**_

"That's not true and you know it!"

_**How come you're so hyper all the time, then?**_

"BECAUSE IT'S JUST THE WAY I AM!!!" Sonic exclaimed angrily. "STOP ASKING ME THESE STUPID QUESTIONS!!!"

_**Fine. I'm done with you.**_

Everyone sat in silence for a minute before Sonic retorted, "Are you gonna free me or not?"

"Whoops!" Poppy exclaimed, pushing a button on a remote. "I almost forgot!"

The iron bolt holding Sonic down opened, allowing the hedgehog to leave. As he walked back up into the stands to his seat, he heard Tails giggling and glared at the two-tailed fox.

"Warn a guy, why don't ya?" he growled as he sat.

_**Now you know Sonic, the caffeine obsessed puppy-killer with a crush on Merlina.**_

I kinda like it, and I kinda don't. You guys'll let me know if it's funny or not though, right? Who do you guys want me to torture next? I'll take anyone that's appeared in a game, including characters from the Secret Rings or The Black Knight. No one from Sonic Unleashed, though!


	2. Episode 2: Caliburn the Sword

I am making another one because I'm too lazy to do my other stories! And… yeah, that's all I got. R and R please!

**Episode 2: Caliburn the Sword**

"This show is stupid," Sonic protested, folding his arms over his chest. "I don't wanna be here!"

"Lighten up, knave!" a voice a row behind him said. "It is simply for fun!"

"I know that voice!" Sonic exclaimed, turning around. "Caliburn! What are you doing here?"

Sure enough, Sonic's sword from the King Arthur storybook was sitting (or rather, laying) in the seat behind him, a grin on his circular face. "I received an invitation, same as you," he replied.

"Who's Caliburn?" Tails asked his friend.

"Uh…" Sonic stalled, not wanting to get into the full story then and there. "He's… my sword…"

"Your sword?" Knuckles asked, finally speaking to the blue blur. "Since when have you had a talking sword?"

Sonic couldn't respond; the lights dimmed again and Poppy walked out, same as last time when she asked for Sonic.

"Who's it going to be?" Caliburn was ecstatic. "This is quite enjoyable!"

"I hope I'm not picked again," Sonic grumbled.

"Don't worry," Tails reassured him. "They won't pick you twice."

"Caliburn?" Poppy called out to the audience. "I'm looking for a Caliburn!"

"Surely they jest?!" the sword muttered in shock, sinking as low as he could get.

"Aha! Yeah! This'll be fun!" Sonic smirked. He stood up and pointed to Caliburn. "He's over here!" he cried as loud as he could.

Immediately, a light shown on the seat that Sonic was gesturing to. Caliburn sighed and floated down to lay in the chair.

_**Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars, know your stars.**_

"Let us get this over with," Caliburn sighed again.

_**Caliburn the Sword… his blade is made of ice cream.**_

"What foolishness is this?" Caliburn exclaimed. "My edge is most certainly NOT made of ice cream!"

"Yeah, that is a bit stupid," Sonic muttered.

_**Then why else would Sonic lick you?**_

"WHAT?!" Sonic exclaimed, attempting to crawl over the seats. Tails and Knuckles held him back. "Lemme at him!"

"For your information," the sword said in an act of loyalty. "Sonic the Hedgehog has not licked me. Not once."

_**You've never seen this then.**_

Poppy pulled down a screen and pushed out a projector. She pushed the play button on her remote, and the audience had to squint to see the following clip:

_A campfire is burning out in the middle of the woods. Sonic and Caliburn are fast asleep on the ground. Sonic rolls over towards the sword, and licks him, muttering, "Mmm… ice cream…"_

"That would explain why my blade was wet in the morning," Caliburn commented.

"I WAS DREAMING!!!" Sonic roared. "I HAD A FRICKIN' DREAM THAT NIGHT ABOUT ICE CREAM!!! JEEZ, KILL ME FOR MISSING ICE CREAM!!!"

_**Someone's sensitive.**_

"It's Caliburn's turn now. Why don't you torture HIM for a change?!"

_**Very well then. Caliburn the Sword… he's obsessed with cats.**_

"Ridiculous!" the sword scoffed.

_**Then bring them out!**_

Poppy brought out a basket loaded with kittens out to the chair. When she got close, Caliburn's eye twitched irregularly.

"OH MY HEAVENS!" He cried, leaning in close to the kittens. "THESE'RE JUST THE CUTEST WITTLE THINGS I'VE EVER SEEN!"

The audience sat in an awkward silence as the sword cooed over the baby cats, gently stroking them with his blade.

"Oh… kay…" Sonic said slowly. "Yeah, that's not creepy at all… but it does explain a few things…"

"Explain what?" The sword snapped, turning his gaze to his former owner.

"C'mon! It's obvious that you like Percival, and now I know why!"

"HOW DARE YOU?!" Caliburn screeched, launching himself at Sonic blade first. Sonic shrieked like a little girl, and you'd better believe he got the heck outta there. The audience watched the enraged sword chase the blue blur out of the autotorioum.

_**Now you know Caliburn, the cat obsessed sword with a blade made of ice cream.**_

Yeah, this chapter kinda sucks. Why must all of my second chapters be suckish? :p. CALIBURN RULES! I LOVE KITTEHS!

Caliburn: I LOVE KITTEHS TOO!

??? What the f*** are you doing here?! Get out! Meh space! *pulls out bazooka and blows Caliburn up*

Caliburn: *gets blown to pieces*

R and R please!!!


	3. Episode 3: Shadow the Hedgehog

Yay! I make another! It's disappointing, though, that the only one of my stories to get a decent number of reviews is Four Becomes One :(. Why am I cursed with being the only Sonic the Hedgehog, Warriors, Space Channel 5, Jet Set Radio, and NiGHTS fan in existence? Oh well, you guys don't come here to hear me complain! Onward!

**Episode 3: Shadow the Hedgehog**

"It's almost time for the next episode," Knuckles commented, looking at his watch. "Sonic and Caliburn better hurry it up."

Almost as if on cue, the duo returned, Sonic wrapping bandages around his many cuts and Caliburn glaring at him. They sat in their seats.

"Wow Sonic!" Tails exclaimed. "You must've really made that sword mad!"

"Hehe…" Sonic chuckled. "Yeah, I really made him mad when I told everybody he has a thing for Percival."

"Be thankful she wasn't there to hear you, or I would have been tempted to slice your head right off your shoulders!" Caliburn growled.

"I couldn't tell you the number of times I'VE been tempted to kill Sonic," said a voice beside Caliburn. They all turned.

"Shadow?" Sonic said. "So you're here too…"

"Hello, faker," the black hedgehog replied.

"What are you doing, calling him 'Shadow'?" Caliburn asked. "He is surely Lancelot!"

"No… he's not," said Sonic.

"But he is!"

"He's not!"

"He is!"

"I can end this real quickly," said Shadow. "I'm not Lancelot."

"But… the resemblance!" Caliburn cried.

"Get over it. He's not Lancelot," Sonic retorted.

"SONIC!!!!!" a pink hedgehog in a red dress a row behind hugged him by the neck.

"Oh… my… flippin'… gosh…" Sonic gasped. "Amy… lemme… go! Can't… breathe…"

"Oh my gosh!" Amy instantly let go. "I'm so sorry, Sonic!"

"Nimue?" Caliburn asked in wonder. "Is that you?"

"Caliburn!" Sonic exclaimed, exasperated. "Are you gonna do this to everyone?! She's. not. NIMUE!!!"

"But…"

Caliburn's protests got cut off by the lights dimming once more and Poppy coming out to announce the next victim… err… star.

"Shadow? Shadow the Hedgehog?" Poppy called out. "Is Shadow here?"

"Looks like you're up, buddy," Sonic smirked. Shadow stood, completely unworried.

"Don't get too cocky," he warned as he made his way out. "I'm untouchable."

Shadow crossed the floor in great strides and sat in the chair, which became illuminated for the show.

_**Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars, know your stars.**_

"Bring it on!" Shadow said, cockily folding his arms behind his head.

_**Shadow the Hedgehog… he plays with dolls.**_

"Yeah right!" Shadow scoffed. "Is that the best you've got?"

_**You do realize we have proof, right?**_

"… Proof?"

Poppy came over to the screen, removed the Sonic/Caliburn video, and replaced it with another:

_Shadow, Cream, and Cheese (the chao) are sitting on the floor at Cream's house. A bucket full of dolls and doll clothes lay on it's side in the middle. Cream is holding a girl doll and Shadow a boy doll._

_"Hiya, Boy!" Cream squealed, pretending she was the doll. "Wanna go out with me?"_

_"I thought you'd never ask!" Shadow replied in a high pitched voice._

_"Then let's go!" Cream and Shadow "walked" their dolls over to a sports car, where Shadow "drove" it away, making "vroom" noises._

"Vroom! Vroom!" Sonic taunted the black hedgehog, whose face was bright red from anger and embarrassment.

"I was only playing with her to keep her busy while her mother was away!" Shadow protested.

"Since when do you play with little kids?" Sonic shot back.

"Since her mom started paying me to watch her! I get a good 50 bucks for just keeping an eye on her!"

_**Like we care.**_

"You…"

_**Shadow the Hedgehog… he stalks Sonic.**_

"Aw, gross Shadow!" said Sonic, sticking out his tongue. "Isn't Amy enough?"

"I'VE NEVER STALKED THAT FAKER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!" the black hedgehog was really mad now. "WHAT THE HECK IS THE MATTER WITH YOU!?!?!"

_**What's the matter with YOU, stalker?**_

"I'M NOT A STALKER!"

_**Sure, keep thinking that, "Amy."**_

"HOW DARE YOU?! I'M SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG! SHADOW!!!"

_**Shadow the Hedgehog… he grabs random girls and makes out with them because he's never had a real girlfriend.**_

"You… you…" Shadow spluttered. "When I find you… you… are… so… DEAD!!!"

_**Quick! Someone grab him before he starts stalking ME!**_

"I've got him!!" Poppy cried as she grabbed the enraged black hedgehog and began dragging him back to his seat. Sonic, who was laughing so hard he thought his lungs would explode, turned to Tails.

"So… much… better… than… last time!" he gasped between laughs. His friend nodded in agreement, and they both laughed together.

_**Now you know Shadow, the Sonic-stalking, doll-playing, random girl kisser.**_

That was better and worse then my last two ones! Poor Shadow! Even Sonic wasn't that cruelly tortured! :)


	4. Episode 4: Knuckles the Echidna

Yay for reviews! I love reviews! Reviews = motivation! I'm glad you guys think its funny, it makes me happy! :) Meh, I need to introduce more characters for the final episodes I've been planning. :p Here you go, don't forget to review!

**Episode 4: Knuckles the Echidna**

"I swear, when I find that guy…" Shadow growled.

"Relax, Shadow," said Sonic. "We all have to put up with him."

"I'm curious to see who will be chosen next," Caliburn wondered.

"Whoever it is, I'll bet it'll be funny!" Knuckles chortled. Just then, the lights dimmed and Poppy came out once more.

"Knuckles is next," she said. "Where's Knuckles?"

"Yeah," Sonic smirked. "This'll be HILARIOUS!"

Knuckles shrugged indifferently and walked out to take a seat in the chair.

_**Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars, know your stars.**_

"Whatever," Knuckles shrugged again and crossed his legs.

_**Knuckles the Echidna… he talks to himself.**_

"Maybe," he admitted shamelessly. "But let's face it; 24 hours and 7 days a week staring at gem on a floating island? You get bored, dude."

_**Apparently you get lonely too, or you wouldn't need all those costumes.**_

"What costumes?"

Poppy walked over to the projector and pulled out the Shadow/Cream video; then she replaced it with another video (man, that Know Your Stars guy has a LOT of videos!):

_"Hey, Sonic!" Knuckles said to apparently no one. He was sitting next to the Master Emerald on Angel Island with a box full of clothes on the other side of him. He rummaged through them until he found what he was looking for: a pair of red sneakers just like Sonic's and a set of blue ears. He put them on and said in a higher voice, "Hi, Knuckles! How's it goin'?"_

_"Pretty good," Knuckles replied, removing the ears. "Eggman hasn't tried to make his move yet!"_

_"Hohohoho!" he laughed in a deeper voice, putting on a suit that looked like Eggman's. "Give me the master emerald, or the girl gets it!"_

_"Sonic!!!" Knuckles cried in a shrilly voice, wearing one of Amy's dresses. "Save me!!!"_

_"Amy! Hang on!" Knuckles cried, putting the ears and shoes back on. He jumped on top of the Master Emerald, did a quick spin jump in the air, then jumped down and put the Eggman suit back on._

_"No!!! How can this be?!" he yowled. "Curse you Sonic! Curse you!!!"_

_"Oh, Sonic!" Knuckles hugged himself tightly while wearing the Amy costume. "I knew you'd save me!"_

_"Okay already!" Knuckles put the ears back on. "Lemme go Amy! Lemme go!"_

"Oh… those costumes…" the red echidna said sheepishly, his face matching his fur.

"Wow…" Sonic whistled. "Knuckles… that's funny and creepy on so many levels!"

"Where did you get that dress?" Amy said sharply (raise your hand if you forgot she was there! *raises hand*) "You raided my closet, didn't you!"

"No!" Knuckles said indignantly, and then whispered, "I got it from your drawer."

"Why I outta…" Amy pulled out her hammer and was about to jump down to smash Knuckles when Sonic stopped her. "Wait a moment, Ames," he said, and she sat down.

_**Knuckles the Echidna… he watches girls while they dress.**_

Several girl onlookers gasped, including Poppy. Amy reached for her hammer, even madder now.

"That's disgusting!" Knuckles exclaimed. "I'd never do that!"

_**He especially watches Amy.**_

"That does it!!!" Amy exclaimed, grabbing her hammer and jumping down from the stands. Knuckles jumped up, his hands up defensively.

"You know I'd never…" he didn't finish because Amy's Piko Piko hammer came crashing down an inch in front of his toes. He jumped back, startled.

_**Hang on there a second, Amy. We aren't done yet.**_

"Then make it snappy!" she growled, eying Knuckles. He took a step back, ready to run.

_**Knuckles the Echidna… he obviously has a crush on Amy.**_

"WHAT?!" Knuckles roared, his face turning red again. "THAT'S NOT TRUE!!! I'D NEVER LIKE A GIRL SO TEMPERMENTAL!!!" he stopped, remembering that Amy was right there, gripping her hammer tighter in rage.

"You… you…" she tried her hardest to contain herself.

_**Alright, we're done. Go get him, girl!**_

Amy and Knuckles screamed in unison as the echidna made a mad dash for the door. Very loud thumps could be heard outside in between Knuckles' shrieks.

"Oh my gosh…" Tails said in shock. "Thank goodness I'm not Knuckles!"

"You could always go to Angel Island and swipe some of Knuckles' stuff!" Sonic smirked. "Then put them on and pretend he's not being chased by a crazy girl!"

_**Now you know Knuckles, the echidna who talks to himself and watches Amy dress because he's got a crush on her.**_

This was really good, though that last line was hard to write. I'm gonna let you guys in on a little secret: next episode will feature Big the Cat and right afterwards will be the first of a few commercial breaks! Chao!


	5. Episode 5: Big the Cat

Yay! This chapter's gonna be so funny! I won't tell you what happens; all I'm going to say is this: poor Know Your Stars guy! Enjoy!

**Episode 5: Big the Cat**

"Think we should do something?" Sonic said, his arms folded behind his head. "The next episode is about to start, and Knuckles hasn't come back yet. Neither has Amy."

"Knuckles is tough. He'll be back soon," Tails replied.

"He'd best hurry," Caliburn noted. "The lights are getting dim."

Knuckles quickly ran up the steps and sat in his seat, warily watching Amy, who was storming up to her seat.

"Have any fun?" Sonic asked his friend, smirking.

"Fun?!" Knuckles exclaimed. "She's frickin' TERRIFIYING when she's mad!"

"You got off easily," she huffed. "If I had more energy…"

"How many times do I have to say 'I'm sorry' or 'don't listen to the Know Your Stars guy 'cause he's a frickin' liar?'"

"Big the Cat?" Poppy called out, one of her eyebrows cocked. It looked as if she was thinking 'this is not gonna go well.'

A big, fat, purple cat (that rhymes, lol!) in the back row stood up, squishing the people on both his sides.

"I'm Big!" he said. "I'm a big cat named Big!"

"Come down Big," Poppy said. "Come sit in the chair, Big."

Everyone in the back row stood on their chairs and pressed their backs to the wall to allow Big to pass. The dopey cat tripped and rolled down the stairs, squishing Shadow, who was coming back from the restroom. Big stopped rolling in front of the chair, and climbed onto it. The chair creaked under his hulking frame.

_**Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars, know your stars.**_

"Duh… who said that?" Big wondered, blankly looking around.

_**Big the Cat… he's still in diapers.**_

"La la la la la la la…" Big sang randomly, "…fishing, Froggy, la la la…"

_**Oh… kay…**_

"I love singing, la la la…"

_**Big the Cat… he's so fat, when he falls, he can't get up again.**_

"Frooooooggy…" Big called out. "Froooooooooooggy… where are yoooooou?"

"I told him this was a bad idea," Poppy said, shaking her head.

_**Big the Cat… **_

"Froooooooooggy…."

_**Big the Cat…**_

"Frooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooogy…"

_**Big the-**_

"Froooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooggy…"

_**That's it! I can't take it anymore! Get him outta here!**_

__Shadow, who finally managed to stand up, wobbled over to the chair Big was sitting in and shook him.

"Time to go," the black hedgehog said. "C'mon, big fella…"

Big turned to Shadow. "Do you know where Froggy is?"

"I know where Froggy is, Big!" Sonic called out from the stands. "He's right outside those double doors!"

"Froggy!" Big exclaimed happily, running to the door and squishing Shadow again the process. The black hedgehog slowly got up again with Poppy's help, and glared at Sonic.

"You did that on purpose…" he growled.

"Duh!" Sonic smirked. "My favorite kind of pancake is a Shadow pancake!"

_**Now you know Big… err… maybe not.**_

Short chapter. I guess the Know Your Stars guy just can't handle that level of stupidity! XD I might do the commercial break today too, since this was so short. Until then, chao!


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